Me As Well
by Nayla2010
Summary: After looking back at this time, looking back at the past. I realized that it wasn’t him that needed to grow and rid his attitude. I realized, that it wasn’t only him that needed to grow. [One Shot LJ]


**Title:** Me As Well

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

**Author Notes:** **Well, I have to say, the bunny plot, came up on me in the middle of the night and strangled me. And did some smoke power thing because now, when trying to think of what to do for Just Maybe. I could only think of this. So Just Maybe chapter six is going to come out late! I'm sorry but this kept me occupied.**

He was never an average boy or man, as I should say. He could never sit quietly in a room. He always had to explore, know every inch of every room this large castle had to bore for him.

But every time he learned new information his head was like a sponge. He absorbed the new information as if it was water. Making his head so large over the weight, I was shocked that his broom could get off the ground with him. I was shocked that he can walk around and fit through doors, though the school's door always managed to have the largest objects fit through the narrow doors.

It wasn't only knowledge that he seemed to be soaking up the attention was something else. As he got older, losing his little boyish appearance, and grew to the handsome man that the girls swoon. The girls in our year and sometimes even above seemed to find him, how to put it in such a way, extremely attractive compared to an average man.

Nearly every girl wanted to be his it was a competition. Who could score a date with him?

All the girls used extreme flirtation moves to get him, praises, and compliments that were far fetched. Well to me they were.

To his new girl and him, the compliments didn't seem too far-fetched. In fact they were too light. In fact, they needed to be larger.

The attention was getting to his over large head; he wanted to prove himself to his dates and peers.

He tortured younger and innocent students to show strength, tortured Snape in our year. 

Well, Snape was a bit different from the first years. One look at one at another and they were sworn enemies.

As well as him and me.

Well at first we were, yelling, insults, pranks, and bickering. I couldn't stand him! But in our fourth year it changed, he told me (in front of the school mind you!) that he had secretly had a crush on me, and asked me out.

I said no, he asked why, I told him. That time I didn't care about his feelings. At that point of time, I didn't know that the stupid git had any or a heart for that case. I didn't care what everyone thought of me. Insensitive? Yes, I didn't know what it was like to get your heart torn in two in front of your classmates.

It was an obvious joke; he went out with girls who cared more about the number of make up they have stacked. They cared more about the beauty then they cared about their brains. The girls that he went out with, well, I never did understand their point of view. They cared about labels on their robes, as I, cared more about if it was comfortable or not. The girls who were unbelievable drop dead gorgeous, me, I don't even think that I would be able to look like that.

With my answer, I also added how his head was too big, and how shocked I was at his flying skills, as the broom couldn't possibly hold the weight of his head.

He just laughed and said he would fly for me, to prove he could fly. Brilliantly, he added as an after thought.

That was just great, who wants a boyfriend who could brag about flying skills? Feeling as if I could strangle him with my two bare hands, I didn't of course, but the temptation was very hard to resist. Instead, what I did do was that I slapped him right across the face.

I could remember it clearly; it was as if I was on a Soap Opera set, the audience. My peers in this case. Gasped, as others laughed at the infamous James Potter, being slapped by girl when he could knock me out in one fluent movement. After the peers gasped, the air around seemed to be tense. Everyone knew that you didn't hurt James Potter and not get paid back. His best friend, Sirius Black, seemed to be held back by his friend Remus. I backed slowly backwards, my hands clutching my wand tightly. Just in case.

"You slapped me," He said, touching the spot gingerly where my handprint glowed red. 

I let my clutch on my wand go soft, as the school chuckled at James, honestly. Sirius seemed to want murder James on the spot, again, poor Remus. Had to restrain Sirius for doing for not doing such an act.

"Oh, what did you think I did?" I asked sarcastically, letting my eyes roll at him. "Did you think I kissed you?" I asked him again, my voice was thick with sarcasm. I guess his skull was too thick to understand what I had said.

"I would like that very much, thanks!" He said as he stuck out his cheek where the print of my hand glowed red. I could hear mummers from the girls; I was hoping that for once, they would see what a git he was. How arrogant he was, how annoying, how horrible he was. I got the wish.

"Potter, I would rather kiss the giant squid then kiss any part of you!" I screeched at him, I turned on my heel and walked out of the tight circle that was suffocating us. A path way was made when I walked through. I heard 'Evans!' James cried over and over. As I turned the corner his words seemed to get dimmer and dimmer and by the time I had reached the library. It seemed as if a bug was flying about.

Every since that day, James tried to get me to go out with me, through the fourth and sixth year, he tried to do everything in his power to get me to fall lovingly to my knees and worship the ground that he walked on. Trying to get one date was proving hard. He made my life miserable; everyone knew that James had one hell of magic. He had claimed me as if I was some girl he was going to be arranging a marriage for. Ever since that day, no guy had dared tried to approach me for a date. Not after that show, James made it clear that if any guy tried to get near me for reasons other then a project. That he would personally make sure that he would make the guy's life living hell.

When I heard this, from a good friend of mine. I went livid. Who was he to say whom I could and could not date? It was as if he was my bloody father or something! When I confronted him, he just said that none of the guys were good enough to go out with me. As well as they could never match up what he could give me. I guess he learned the lesson not to brag to me when I had hex him and sent him to the Hospital that night.

Over the years, he seemed to learn more lessons about me, what to do and what not to do. This year, seventh year, he was picked Head Boy. I thought I was going to die; I was close every time I had meeting with him. But something had changed with in him. He wasn't a Satan to the first years, he helped students, and every once and a while he did trot over the line. But that was always for sneaking out for some food.

When I confronted him on his kindness, he just said that I hadn't bothered to know the real him. I only bothered to learn more about the person that the girls fall for, not the real him.

That night, I fight broke out between us, he claimed to know the 'real me' while I knew the fake him. I tried to stay calm, tried to count to ten. But every time I count to ten, I always seem to do a count down. Once you reach ten, you attack who ever is bugging you. The fight got nasty; I threw some things that I didn't really know about. While he called me names that no one dared to say in front of anyone. Except some Slytherins use the names to label myself.

Finally, I uttered the words that I should have never said, something I should never ever say, and something I regret even now.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE! I HOPE POTTER, THAT ONE DAY, YOU DROP DEAD! YOU'RE NO BETTER THEN THAT GUY ATTACK MUGGLE BORNS!" That shocked him; I used compare him to Snape, that wasn't too bad. Because usually I compared him to Snape because of their personality. While with Voldemort, I was calling him evil. Wishing that he were dead, under the ground was just as cruel. When saying that I hated him with out really knowing him, that was almost as worst as all of the above.

We didn't talk for moths, things were rocky, and we only talked when really needed. Other then that, we didn't talk. Until that day, when Remus came up and asked for a talk. I had accepted for the chat. He told me that James wasn't acting, well James. He was depressed and took the insults that I yelled to him to heart. He didn't forget about them, he keeps them scratched onto his heart. Asking for an apology from me, I realize, I shouldn't have said those words. Telling Remus I would guarantee that I would talk to him. I walked away that day, planning to talk to him tomorrow.

Tomorrow was the worst though, as soon as I walked into the Great Hall, I heard the buzz of talking with low voices and newspapers seemed to be in every student's hands. I quickly came to my seat and notice that my owl came swooping down with the newspaper. Seeing the headline made my heart sank. Who ever said words never hurts, hasn't seen this. The headline contained that James's parents were murdered. By Voldemort.

Looking around, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were nowhere to be found. I made it a mission to find them, all through out the day; I tried to look for them before the classes started. No luck. 

Soon, I was able to track them down in the afternoon. Not taking any more chances, in case I missed them again. Coming up to them, when Sirius caught site of me coming towards them. He broke out in blazing rage.

"What do you want!" He asked coolly.

"Where is he?" I asked pointy ignoring the tone he was using.

"Was there something you forgot to yell at him?" Sirius attacked me again.

"Sirius!" Came the harsh voice of Remus.

"Where is he?" I asked again to the others.

"We don't know but" Remus was hesitated about this part.

"Remus" I said testily.

Remus seemed to break down, "Lily, I wouldn't go out and try to find him" I stared at him, "Nice try, but I'm going to find him"

With that I started off as the bell rang for the next lessons. 

Running away from them, quick enough for them not to grab me. Moving about so they wouldn't be able to aim their wands at me.

Running out of the Great Hall and out to the fresh air. Looking around trying to find him. Knowing he was here. Somewhere.

Walking about, after a half and hour or so I found him.

Lying under a tree, rushing towards him. When he heard the soft padding of my feet, he turned his head over. I froze when he saw me.

"What are you doing here, Evans?" He asked softly, so soft I thought I didn't hear it at first.

"I came here to-" I begin but he cut me off.

"To yell? Things you left out last time? Want to compare me more to Voldemort?" He asked, louder a bit more venom which slashed my heart.

"I came to say I'm sorry" I said bravely.

"Sorry for what? Certainly not for the loss, are you sorry that I wasn't at the scene to drop dead?" James asked coolly again.

"Sorry for the past James! If you knew anything about me is that I have an awful stubbornness!" I told him sharply.

"That, I do know," He said. Braving a bit, I sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry for everything, James," I said quietly. "I should have never said that you were like him. You have too big of a heart" I said to him, my voice getting lost in the wind.

"I believe that is the first nice thing you said to me in all of my life, Evans" He said, once again with harshness. 

"Will you stop being so cruel? I said sorry already!" I almost yelled.

"My Parents just died Lily! Do you expect me to be all happy? Do you think that I'm going to be happy after something like this would have happen to them? Would you be happy if your parents dropped dead?" He spat out angrily.

I hung my head in shame, "No, I wouldn't be" I said guiltily.

"My parents just died" He repeated softly, I looked up to see his hazel eyes fill up with tears. Behind his wired glasses.

Soon the tears were spilling out all over the place. Coming to him, I held him close where he accepted a shoulder to cry on. My shoulder getting drenched with his salty tears, but I didn't care.

When we look up at the sky, it was dark blue with no stars smiling down upon us. Realizing how late it was I steered him back to the Head Dorms, where his friends were waiting for him. Giving him to them, as I watched as they stayed with him.

After that, after the grieving and the funeral had passed, He was doing all right, not at first. But he was like a plant, every day he grew, until he came his full self again. Well not full, but close to it. In fact, after that incident we had become friends.

During the Christmas we got together, it was the same cliché story of being under the mistletoe. But I just knew when his lips touched mine.

I could handle anything, just as long as he was standing right next to me.

After looking back at this time, looking back at the past. I realized that it wasn't him that needed to grow and rid his attitude. I realized, that it wasn't only him that needed to grow. 

But me as well.

**Author Notes:** A review would be nice…


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